The Voices

Throughout my days of growing I realize that words that are said between people can last over lengthly periods of time.  Yes, the person my be gone and may not actually say what they say ever again to us.  And yet, the words they may use can have a lasting, echo effect in our minds.

I do have to admit this is something that continues to haunt me in my everyday life.  Being teased when I was in public school really left a negative impression on my self-confidence.  It is like I have these small voices in my head that brings me down each time I look at myself in the mirror.  No matter what I seem to do, no matter what I try to say to block it out the voices whisper once again in my mind.

There is still hope however, I am not doomed to these negative insults in my head.  I have the opinions of those who care for me, the people that I respect who actually care for me.  They seem to over power the small whispers of insults, like a large ringing gong.  These compliments and heart felt opinions of me give me strength and perseverance through the negative influences.  But the positive reassurances of those I respect also help me to focus on what God says to me.  That I am His child and I am fearfully made by God Himself.  This notion removes all feeling of low self worth and finds the value that God has in me.

So through the opinions of those I respect and God guide me to believe I am actually valuable.

Real depth of character is not found when a person acts their best in front of others.  It is found when the person acts in their character when no one is around.

Going Through The Motions.

It's funny the way that God can influence us through a simple passage of scripture.  Like tonight, for my personal devos I was reading Psalm 50.  This Psalm predominately speaks on some of the issues that I feel the church needs to hear now-a-days.  Like the idea of God wanting a relationship instead of religion.  Now this is not to say that religion is a bad thing.  It's good if it does not hinder a relationship with God our Father.  But if it becomes too much of a routine, it has replaced the practice that religion was supposed to support, a relationship.  God dislikes this so much that He will destroy the people who are not seeking God and are just doing things to go with the motions.

This hits home to me in many ways.  I do admit at times I have made my faith a bit more of a following with the motions than with a sincere search for God.  Yet, God is willing to accept me and transform that half-hearted nature into a longing to seek His will and a relationship with Him.  I found this through practicing daily devotions and the need to want to learn more about God.  To actually seek out what God is trying to tell me in the scriptures for that day.

I think we all need to evaluate what we are doing in our walk with God and determine whether we are just doing to go with the motions or to actually pursue a relationship with Him.  After this He may show you that there is a need for personal edification.  At that time it might be good to try and seek God from then on in your daily life, just like a person wishes to find great riches.

Fight for love, even to the point for when it hurts.  And if the person is willing to stick with you through all that strain and turmoil, that love is meant to be.

It's Amazing...

I serve a God that loves me so much and chooses to bless me even though I mess up on a daily basis.  That He was willing to sacrifice His only son for me to be saved.  This is the greatest form of love that He has given me in my life that I have freely accepted.  But yet there is something that completely blows my mind wide open.  After his gift of salvation He gives me the most amazing earthly gift that He could ever give me, Sarah.  Honestly, when I am with her it seems like everything about love just clicks in my mind.  Yes there are hard times, but through those hardships I still love her.  In fact, after each of those rough times, it is like my love has just grown for her more than it was before.  That this love continues to expand through my experience with her.  She has blessed me so mush with letting me share in her personal life and letting me love her, while also receiving love in return.  Through our relationship, she continues to show me what love is all about and the ways that God loves me.  It's as though God uses our relationship just show us who He is and how He responds in love.  It leaves me speechless.

I am so unworthy of God's gifts, but He continues to bless me anyways.  It just shows me more and more that God is truly love and is totally in love with me.  I pray that I will never forget this message that He has given me.

Silence is Golden

Everyone has heard the phrase,"Silence is golden" but I have come to despise this phrase to the very core. Now I am not saying that all silence is bad. There can be a lot of depth and growth for a person to take a day and practice the discipline, it may teach that person something about themselves that they do not know about. However,with experience in my relationships with others I have found this to be a frequent stumbling block to achieve growth in the relationship. And I know at times I am not so good at the whole perspective of being quiet for the right reasons. I find at times that silence is used to cover up some feelings that need to be talked about, that need to be addressed. That to me does not seem healthy. The best means for working through this I find is by being honest to one another. Not to be rudely honest, but to share one's feeling about an issue that may have come up and is needed to be taken care of. There are times for silence, times to think about one's opinion and sometimes one's emotions (depending on the intensity of the emotion). But I feel that people need to be more honest with each other. More willing to speak their minds and be somewhat vulnerable at times. Cause when you speak up, out of the silence. Those can be the most edifying and deep times in a relationship.

True Love

Have you ever wondered what true love is really like, or even what it is?  Now I am not suggesting that I know the final answer to the last question, but I have experienced it for myself.  The best way for me to really describe true love is by giving one example, God.  If one really takes into consideration what God does throughout the whole Bible, they will notice that He has a roll as a lover. Throughout the Bible, God tries to make a connection with his chosen people, the Israelites.  By making a covenant with their ancestors and developing them into a great nation.  But after doing this by freeing them from oppression and giving them the land from their enemies, the Israelites manage to not be thankful start following other religions.  And after the Israelites go through exile and manage to come back home they still don't get the idea that God is wanting only a relationship with His people.  Finally God makes the ultimate act of love by sending His son down to Earth to pay for the atonement of our sins.  May I add that this was God's only son.  These observations give me two impressions about love.

One is that love is a commitment, or a choice if you would prefer that.  God ultimately chose to stick with the Israelites even when they failed on Him to show love back to Him by being faithful and not go to other God's.  Also God is still choosing to stick with His believers today, even though we continuously screw up on a daily basis.  It takes us humans a lot of effort to love those who hurt us deep, but yet God is willing to stick through the most painful things that you can throw at Him.

Two is that love is sacrificial, a willingness of self sacrifice.  God displayed this through His son's death.  He was willing to give up His perfect son to die at the hands of sinners.  He even was unable to be near His son since Jesus was taking on the sins of the world when he was on the cross.  To truly give up His son to the point of rejection because of all the sin.  When was the last time we were willing to give up something dear t us for someone else?  When was the last time you felt that you would be willing to sacrifice yourself for a loved one?

This rant is not meant to make anyone feel bad about their feelings.  It is just to give people some food for thought.

The other thing that wracks my brain is that God knows all about us, to the very number of hairs we have on our head.  Like that seems really creeper like at first, but when you stop to think about it, it really shows how much He really cares and loves us.  And he still wants to get know more about us and our lives, even though He knows what happens down here.  That is what real love is all about.  That's what true love is all about.

Missing Till It Hurts

Is it ok for a person who loves another, and has only been separated from their loved one for two days to miss them till it hurts?  Or is that too clingy?  To much of a needy person to feel that way?  Can love excel to the point where just the feeling of a day without that person feels unnatural?  But is it unnatural when you have a deep personal and loving relationship with them?

May be I am totally out of whack.  Maybe I just need to find others to be with.  But yet there is no one on Earth that is like her in the least.  Without her around for a time like that it feels like I am missing something.  Like something has been missed placed.